I’m so (over)excited! May 15, 2012
Posted by mareserinitatis in education, gifted, societal commentary.Tags: adulthood, overexcitabilities, social skills, socialization
2 comments
I’m not sure why, but whenever I hear the word “intense”, I think of some hippie smoking pot and saying something like, “Whoa, that’s like, so intense, dude!” The problem with this image is that it’s exactly the opposite of what I should be thinking of. What I really think I should be thinking of is…me…on a normal day.
I’ve read a lot about Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities as they apply to children. It had never occurred to me to think about what they would mean in terms of being an adult or myself in particular. I see so much of it in terms of education and children, but little in terms of how it affects adults. On the other hand, if you have these overexcitabilities (OEs), they don’t just go away when you become an adult…at least in my experience.
I’ve started realizing that having OEs means a couple different things, most of which is generally explained in Dabrowski’s theory of positive disintegration. That is, you have to deal with a lot of psychological upheaval and you constantly question things. You try to change your way of thinking about things to create some sort of internal consistency which then decreases the amount of internal discord you’re dealing with. So you deal with problems and come out a different person on the other side.
Going through the process changes how you look at things and interact with the world, and this is where it starts to get problematic. First, the vast majority of people don’t ever go through the process or, if they do, they end up ‘reintegrating’ back at the lowest level. This level is generally where your behavior is either average social behavior (conforming) or psychopathic (completely self-indulgent). Ignoring the latter, we can say that the average person, having generally been comfortable going along with society’s rules, ends up being very uncomfortable around someone who has rejected some or all of society’s rules for their own internal validation system.
In other words, when you interact with a ‘normal’ person, you’re going to come across as weird.
Adults who have OEs, like kids, are going to come across as having intense personalities. Maybe they’ll be really good at being laid back and letting things go, possibly as a result of the whole positive integration process. But what if they don’t? I can imagine that people with these OEs may not be able to keep their interests, passions, opinions, or intelligence under wraps. In fact, it’s likely they may feel it’s unnecessary to do so because they reject the notion of social conformity as a good thing.
As an adult, I’m much happier because I generally have a choice in whom I can hang out with and how I spend my time. I also feel like I’ve been able to find like-minded individuals who are open to being ‘weird’. However, I’ve also learned that it doesn’t mean being an adult will be super easy. In addition to all of the normal adult stresses in life, interacting with diverse people has become a major issue. Someone who feels strongly about anything and refuses to shut up in an effort to conform is going to find themselves upsetting others, even if inadvertently. And having the internet as a soap box means you’re more likely to get someone riled up. On the other hand, it’s also a great way to find people who aren’t put off by your lack of social mores.
Your son plays with…girls. February 20, 2012
Posted by mareserinitatis in education, feminism, gifted, older son, societal commentary, younger son.Tags: feminism, gender equity, sexism, social skills, socialization, stereotypes
5 comments
We had parent teacher conferences recently. While they overall went fairly well, there was one part of the discussion that bothered me. The teacher seemed concerned that the younger son spent more time playing with girls than boys.
I think that what gets me about this is that I’ve heard it almost every year that either one of my kids has been in school. Every time I hear it, I have the same reaction: “So?”
I can’t remember where I came across this bit of info, because I first found it when the older boy was in elementary school. It turns out that kids that are gifted are more likely to be androgynous and make an effort to actively choose their interests rather than following prescribed “gender-appropriate” behaviors.
This was a huge relief for me for many reasons. First, my sons have had interests in things like barrettes and finger nail polish, Dora, My Little Pony, etc. I assumed it was normal curiosity that most kids had, but maybe not. However, I’ve made an effort not to impose gender stereotypes on them unnecessarily. I’ve also noticed that there’s a lot more rough and tumble and even some bullying that goes on with boys. My boys aren’t into that, so it seems obvious that they would be more interested in playing with girls.
Second, it was a personal relief. I work in a couple of fields that are mostly male, and when I feel comfortable with it, I can be rather confrontational and direct. I was more interested in Legos than Barbies, and in school, I liked math and physics. It’s nice to know that I’m not “weird” for a woman…even though I am apparently different.
If I ever needed proof that there are some aspects of gender that are socially prescribed, I’ve gotten it over and over in this one question. I’m sure my parents got the opposite – your daughters are tomboys. What surprises me about this is that people really get so worked up about it. Why aren’t they surprised when girls and boys don’t want to play together?
How do you wash off people repellent? January 12, 2011
Posted by mareserinitatis in feminism, personal, societal commentary.Tags: engineers, people repellant, social skills
15 comments
I have a question: how does one interact socially with non-technically literate people? I don’t mean that in terms of explaining things to them. In fact, I mean exactly the opposite. I explain a lot, and it has a very undesirable effect: it seems like they don’t want you to even say anything at all that requires explaining.
Perhaps a better phrasing is to ponder how one socially interacts with people who don’t understand what it means to have a scientific mindset.
Fluxor discussed his attempt. He apparently used hockey as his cover. It would be un-Canadian not to.
The thing is, I actually am very social, but many of my friends are engineers and scientists. I do have friends who are not of a scientific bent, and bless them, they seem to have mastered the art of the “nod-and-smile-until-she-shuts-up-and-moves-on” maneuver. So even if they aren’t into science, they’re obviously talented actors and actresses. Regardless, I find them interesting and fun people…and apparently they feel the same about me for at least short periods of time.
In my own defense, I do have a lot of interests outside of science: crochet, violin, middle eastern dance, triathlon, hiking, slogging through snow (when one becomes talented, they call it skiing, but I’m not there yet). You would think I could find a million things to talk about with people. However, I tend to saturate myself in my hobbies: if I can’t be doing them, I spend a lot of time reading and learning about them. When I’m neither doing them nor learning about them, I’m talking about them…in great detail.
Unfortunately, this habit has a tendency to turn people off. I seem to lack the ability to ‘dial things down’ and have apparently come across to certain people as arrogant. I guess in my many years of worrying about talking up to people because I’m worried about coming across as condescending, I’ve over-compensated. Unbeknownst to me, using words that are polysyllabic is déclassé…of course, using words of French origin probably is, too.
I grew up in a family with a wonderful trait: they’re not afraid to say they don’t know something. If my mom, who is an accountant, starts talking about some aspect of her job that I don’t understand, I will ask for clarification, and she will explain. (I did, after all, get a C in accounting…) Likewise, they will ask me if they don’t understand. I try to talk to them, in general, about the work I’m thinking on for my dissertation or issues at work (although I can’t be too specific there).
But some people don’t act that way. Rather than wanting to learn more, they will be offended when I’ve mentioned something they don’t understand. The problem is compounded when they don’t want to ask for clarification, presumably because they don’t want to look stupid.
It’s even more frustrating when I see this not happening to my husband. Yes, I really suspect there is a sexist aspect to the problem.
I’m very puzzled as to how to deal with it, and when it happens, my inclination is to isolate myself in my ‘sciencey friends’ bubble. However, it only seems to exacerbate the problem.
I also blog at Engineer Blogs, home away from home to some of the best engineering blogs.
A totally subjective ranking of socially clueless people by career October 15, 2012
Posted by mareserinitatis in career, engineering, geology, geophysics, math, physics, science, societal commentary.Tags: majors, social skills
3 comments
I have no data to back this up. However if someone has the time and inclination, I’d love for them to get some and validate my hypothesis. I’m assuming the Autism Spectrum Quotient would be a good place to start.
There is a noticeable difference in the general cluelessness of people, and of science and engineering types in general. I’ve been pondering, however, if anyone has done a serious study of this phenomena and provided a ranking system. This might come in handy for non-sciency people, especially relatives.
I’m going to postulate a ranking, but please feel free to give me some feedback as to where you think this system falls down. And again, data is gold.
So the following are ordered from most to least clueless:
So what do you think?