Posted by mareserinitatis in feminism, societal commentary.
Tags: runners, work, working environment
From the title, you might think I’m going to be talking about jogging. Not so much. Nor will I be talking about Logan’s Run. Nope…I’m going to be talking about a type of person who annoys me.
I was reminded recently of a trip to Washington, DC. I was there for a conference, and a friend who lived nearby decided to visit. We weren’t sure where to go to dinner, so we met someplace and then grabbed a cab. The driver gave a suggestion, and we went for it.
The restaurant was a very upscale ethnic place near Embassy Row. After my friend and I were seated, I noticed something very strange about the wait staff. I thought it was just me, but then, when our dinner was presented, it became obvious: they weren’t acknowledging my existence at all. All questions were directed to my friend, and when I answered, they would wait for him to repeat what I had just said. They wouldn’t look at me, they wouldn’t speak to me, they wouldn’t hear when I spoke.
The food was fantastic, but I left feeling a bit demoralized. I’m sure my friend was sympathetic…but I think he was amused more than anything. I can’t help but wonder what they would’ve done had I gone to the restaurant with another woman. Would they have ignored both of us?
It’s easy to blow that kind of thing off when it’s a place you’ll only visit once or a fluke. It’s harder to deal with that sort of thing when it’s someone in a professional setting.
Admittedly, I’ve not run into anything as overt as the experience at the restaurant, but I have run into a couple men over the years who simply have no clue how to interact with women colleagues. It’s bad enough having a conversation with someone who stares at your chest…but it’s not much better when they refuse to look anywhere near you. You wonder if they even hear you.
And then there are the times when you try to talk to them, and you get the feeling they’re running from you. Literally. You ask them a question, and the best response you get is a terse, one-word answer. Maybe two, if they’re feeling dangerous. As soon as they’ve muttered their answer while looking the other direction, they turn to leave. They are done with the conversation, whether or not you are.
So these kinds of men are runners. They run away from women. It’s strange because the ones I’ve known have been married, so it’s not like they’re not around women at all. They simply have no idea how to act around a woman who is not a family member or friend…and apparently it’s never occurred to them to treat a female colleague like the rest of their colleagues.
Posted by mareserinitatis in older son, work.
Tags: dissertation, working, working environment
I have this problem where I don’t work well at home. Somehow the housework internet all the other things that need to be done (or not) just seem to suck me in and away from things like dissertations.
My solution, obviously, is to leave the house when I need to get work done. On the weekends, that usually means going up to my office. Sometimes I can do that during the week, although I also have to find a conference room or someplace to work lest someone finds me and starts talking about work when I want to be dissertating. (Yes, it’s a verb.)
Interestingly enough, I’m not the only one with this issue. My husband had the same problem, so when he was finishing his dissertation, he would go up to the office on evenings and weekends to work.
It seems that my older son also has the same problem. I did once bring him to work with me on a weekend so that he could get caught up on homework. However, I’m guessing that wouldn’t go over so well during the week, so we usually head out in the afternoons and hit Starbucks, where they will let us work for a couple hours while we suck down our chai frappuccinos™. If that seems too far away, we’ll go sit at the student union at the university, which has amazingly comfortable couches. Apparently, I’m not the only one with this idea because it seems like every other person in there is sitting there with a laptop of some sort. I guess there’s no free place to study: in one place, I have to pay for food, in the other, I have to pay for parking.
Going out is nice for both of us because then I know he won’t get distracted, and I’m available if he gets stuck on his math. But when we go out to study, I feel somewhat like a mother duckling, her (in this case, not so) little ones trailing along.
So what about you? What’s your favorite work space? Have you managed to keep a home office (if you need one) and stay productive?
I also blog at Engineer Blogs, home away from home to some of the best engineering blogs.
The runners November 28, 2011
Posted by mareserinitatis in feminism, societal commentary.Tags: runners, work, working environment
9 comments
From the title, you might think I’m going to be talking about jogging. Not so much. Nor will I be talking about Logan’s Run. Nope…I’m going to be talking about a type of person who annoys me.
I was reminded recently of a trip to Washington, DC. I was there for a conference, and a friend who lived nearby decided to visit. We weren’t sure where to go to dinner, so we met someplace and then grabbed a cab. The driver gave a suggestion, and we went for it.
The restaurant was a very upscale ethnic place near Embassy Row. After my friend and I were seated, I noticed something very strange about the wait staff. I thought it was just me, but then, when our dinner was presented, it became obvious: they weren’t acknowledging my existence at all. All questions were directed to my friend, and when I answered, they would wait for him to repeat what I had just said. They wouldn’t look at me, they wouldn’t speak to me, they wouldn’t hear when I spoke.
The food was fantastic, but I left feeling a bit demoralized. I’m sure my friend was sympathetic…but I think he was amused more than anything. I can’t help but wonder what they would’ve done had I gone to the restaurant with another woman. Would they have ignored both of us?
It’s easy to blow that kind of thing off when it’s a place you’ll only visit once or a fluke. It’s harder to deal with that sort of thing when it’s someone in a professional setting.
Admittedly, I’ve not run into anything as overt as the experience at the restaurant, but I have run into a couple men over the years who simply have no clue how to interact with women colleagues. It’s bad enough having a conversation with someone who stares at your chest…but it’s not much better when they refuse to look anywhere near you. You wonder if they even hear you.
And then there are the times when you try to talk to them, and you get the feeling they’re running from you. Literally. You ask them a question, and the best response you get is a terse, one-word answer. Maybe two, if they’re feeling dangerous. As soon as they’ve muttered their answer while looking the other direction, they turn to leave. They are done with the conversation, whether or not you are.
So these kinds of men are runners. They run away from women. It’s strange because the ones I’ve known have been married, so it’s not like they’re not around women at all. They simply have no idea how to act around a woman who is not a family member or friend…and apparently it’s never occurred to them to treat a female colleague like the rest of their colleagues.