Oh, that’s right! I have a blog! August 29, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in family, grad school, older son, personal, work, younger son.Tags: dissertation, older son, school, work, younger son
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Summer, at least the social construct of summer, officially comes to a close this weekend for most people. The younger son has been in school for a week, and I’m scratching my head, wondering where the time went. It was the summer of “the best laid plans of mice and men,” if you get my drift.
I did accomplish a lot at work. However, shifting deadlines there required I push off other stuff. In response to that, I decided to take some time off and get caught up on some of those other things, which will be easier now that the younger offspring is busy plodding through the halls of a reputable educational institution rather than ones created in Minecraft. I have a couple weeks of crunching numbers at home before going back to work to do it.
The other thing that will help is that the older offspring has decided that his odd work schedule really isn’t doable, despite a serious effort on his part. I am relieved because I seem to be getting more sleep again, which has made me a saner, kinder, and more productive human being. Also, I appreciate being able to form a coherent sentence…
I hate to say it, but I’m glad school has started again. I usually love summer, but I’m very glad to have a routine and time to work on my own stuff back.
How was your summer?
Greener pastures August 11, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in personal, photography, younger son.Tags: birthday, grandmother, horses, medora, younger son
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I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have a hard time figuring out how to celebrate birthdays. Some years, you just go out to eat, or sit around the house, or hope someone makes your favorite meal. This year has been rough because of everything I have on my plate right now.
Milestone birthdays are important in an odd sort of way, so I try to do something extra fun, and it’s important to take those opportunities when you have them. On this occasion, I thought maybe riding a horse with my grandmother and the younger son would be a cool adventure. I’d never been on a horse before.
The ride was an hour-long, guided trail ride in Medora, ND. You can see Theodore Roosevelt National Park in the background, so the scenery was fantastic. I found out that horses scare me a bit, and that you shouldn’t pat them on the rear flank the way your dogs like their people to do. (Apparently I almost sent my horse over one of the guides while she was trying to remove his halter.) After the ride, I found out that my grandmother had used to love riding horses in her younger years, but hadn’t been on one since my mom was a little girl.
It was a great way to celebrate my grandmother’s 85th birthday. I hope we can keep having wonderful adventures together for a long time. I just hope she doesn’t want to go sky-diving any time soon…
“I’m busy” is a euphemism July 22, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in education, family, grad school, personal, work.Tags: children, dissertation, family, part-time, schedule, work, work-life balance
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I’ve read a couple articles about how we all get caught up in being so busy. A lot of them talk about how we need to escape the busyness spiral. Xykademiqz expressed frustration with people who are always busy.
I guess I’m coming at it from a different angle.
I’ve come to realize that the phrase “I’m busy” is just a polite way of saying, “My priorities are different from yours.” That is, the requested action is more important to the person asking than the person who is supposed to perform the action. Particularly relevant to my personal situation, it’s also a way to avoid saying, “I need time to work on my thesis.”
Because I’m starting to find that pretty much nobody cares if you need time to work on that.
“Aren’t you done with that yet?”
“You sure have a lot of time off.”
“I’m sure you can do that some other time.”
“Can’t you put it off for just one day?”
Except I’ve been asked to put it off more days than I even have available to push it off from. As much as I hate telling people I’m busy, I hate even more that people won’t respect my schedule. Part of the issue is that I am technically only part time at my job. If you’ve ever had to work part time at a job without a very explicit schedule, you can forget that. People want things done on their schedule, and when you’re gone you’re taking “time off.” Apparently raising two kids and a PhD is “time off.” I’m jealous of those people who actually get to take vacations on their time off.
A lot of times the outright rejection of working on a dissertation isn’t verbalized. Kids, in particular, really don’t get that you have other things to do besides take care of their needs night and day. Not that I can blame them as I sure wouldn’t mind if my mom showed up to clean my house once in a while. (I know, Mom…you’re busy, too.)
Admittedly, doing all of this is a choice. It’s just unfortunate that a lot of people don’t respect that choice. It’s particularly frustrating when people want you to do things that they’re capable of doing but are “too busy” to do themselves. It seems that rather than get into a verbal sparring match with them about how they disagree with my priorities, it’s just easier to say, “I’m busy.”
no jinx July 19, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in Fargo, personal, running.Tags: baseball, half-marathon, redhawks, running
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I didn’t want to post about this until I knew it would happen. I’ve had bad luck with my training in the past: I’ve attempted twice to train for a half-marathon, both times being unsuccessful for health reasons. (One was directly related, but the other was not.)
Today, however, I have managed to cross that item off my list.
The lovely lady on the left is my friend Becky. Becky started running shortly after I did, but has gone on to be a much faster runner and has left me behind in terms of distance. I kept saying that doing a half was still on my bucket list, and so we talked about doing a race together. Because I’m so slow, a lot of races have cutoff times that were below my estimated finish times. Also, I would need to find a race that Becky wasn’t planning to try to PR on (like the Fargo marathon, being so wonderfully flat).
We decided to do a small race in a cute little town about an hour east of Fargo called Perham. The race had a four hour time limit, so I hoped I would be able to handle it.
I was so worried about things getting derailed again. I ended up learning a few things, like that I did not used to consume sufficient electrolytes when exercising. I also learned about the joys of sports tape:
See how I taped the foot on the right with less tape than on the left? I found out at the end of the race that while no tape is best, less tape is really, really bad. I ended up with blisters on both feet, but the one with less tape ended up with a nasty blister from tape rubbing.
I find it ironic that I use tape and compression sleeves to immobilize my legs…in order to run.
The race itself was very small, very quiet, very uncrowded. It was great in that there were aid stations and port-a-potties available every 2.5 miles. The down side is that there was a stretch of gravel that really wreaked havoc with my left knee. Becky, as I mentioned, was faster than me, but she also has a lot more experience running on gravel, so she was in better shape. There were also hills. Not that they were horrible, but coming from Fargo, hills are a thing to be scared of.
Still, I managed to finish and much faster than my anticipated time. I fully expected to show up at the four hour mark….or maybe a little after. As it turns out, Becky’s faster pace pushed me during the runs portion of our run-walk intervals, so we made it in just over 3 1/2 hours. I was dead last – but that’s okay. Most people think about getting first, second, or third. However, last place is the one everyone who isn’t a contender for first, second, or third think about. Therefore, I appreciate being the one to come into the fourth most frequently discussed place.
Also, I got bling:
After getting back, I got to spend the evening at a baseball game. I’ve determined that baseball games are really great after long runs as I can sit there and eat junk food that I normally wouldn’t eat and also recover. It’s one of the few times I don’t feel pulled to be doing something work or dissertation related.
Anyway, tonight’s baseball game was a special treat as I got to meet the mascot:
And now, I think I’m going to collapse.
The norovirus diet April 26, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in personal.Tags: health
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A few years ago, rotavirus became a bad word in our house. The younger son was a baby and caught it daycare. Being the sharing kind, he gave it to the rest of us, and we all got very sick. In fact, Mike ended up in the hospital for a couple days.
This week, we got acquainted with rotavirus’ cousin, norovirus. They’re amazingly alike, except that norovirus is even more pestilent. Mike got to go to the hospital again after passing out. Fortunately, it was a short visit and they booted him after making sure he was sufficiently hydrated.
We’ve spent the last couple days enjoying foods that are usually not allowed in the house: Gatorade, lemon-lime soda, jello, and store-bought bread (gluten-free). It amazes me that I can eat junk food like that and lose five pounds overnight. To be honest, though, I was okay with my pre-virus weight…and I certainly enjoyed the diet more.
Welcome to 2014 January 12, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in family, older son, personal, younger son.Tags: chores, cleaning, dissertation, goals, grad school, housekeeper, new years day, older son, resolutions, younger son
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Despite all of my good intentions, it’s taken a bit more to get back into my routine. The youngster went back to school on Monday. I was relieved not to be teaching this week (or this semester), but I had a paper deadline this week along with a lot of other anomalous stuff.
In particular, a friend of mine passed away at the beginning of the week. It’s made this week seem a bit surreal.
That’s given me an opportunity to think about my priorities, which was something I had started reflecting on over the break. I’m not one to make resolutions, but it’s good to reflect on goals. And nothing will make you think about your goals more than realizing they can be cut short.
My thesis has been weighing heavily on my mind. I definitely reaffirmed that I want to finish my PhD, but it’s been hard and frustrating this past year, particularly the past three to four months. I really anticipated being farther because I didn’t anticipate how rough the fall semester would end up being. So I’m working on getting my schedule set up to have more time to devote to that.
Realistically, that’s the one thing I’m really not happy about. It’s a big thing, so it’s not something as simple as, “I can put in 15 minutes a day on it.” But I’m making an effort to rearrange a few things, particularly with kid schedules, to facilitate getting more time on things.
I also want to be blogging regularly again. The holidays and grading threw an awful crimp in that one. One day isn’t a data point, but you need that data point to start a trend.
I’m happy to report that our housekeeping effort is going well. That is, the kids are doing a great job. I gave up on trying to have them get things done before the weekend. We just schedule a time for them to work on it and, when we tell them it’s time to, they do. (We’ve found that it seems like we can’t get to it every week, but we’re holding steady with every other week at least.) We pay them according to which jobs they do, and we match everything they earn with a deposit into their savings account. The house is staying cleaner than when we had a housekeeper, and I think we’re actually spending less.
This is actually much more about the kids than it is about the house, though. I’m really happy that they are both at a point where they are taking responsibility for their chores. I hate breathing down their neck about anything. I also really am happy about the fact that doing chores is one thing they do cooperatively. They have a system worked out – older boy does the tall stuff, younger boy does the floor stuff that older boy hates, etc. They worked it out themselves and, even better, they seem to have fun doing it.
At the same time, the older son is getting ready to go to college this fall. I anticipate that there will be a lot of changes despite his plans to live at home. I’m impressed that he’s trying to move forward cautiously and not bite off more than he can chew. I also have no idea how the big changes over the next couple years will affect the younger son, who quite adores his older brother.
I anticipate there will be a lot of bumps in the road this year, but I’m hoping that it will be uphill from here. I guess I’d rather start the year on a sad note so that I can look forward to how much better it will get.
Guest post by Gigadog: “Help me, please!” December 1, 2013
Posted by mareserinitatis in personal, pets.Tags: arthritis foundation, cold, costume, donations, Gigadog, newfoundlands
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Mom took a picture of dad and me while he was scratching my neck:
Dad was just placating me. You know why? Mom is making me wear this ARFul costume next weekend. Mom says that I’ll love it because we’re going for a long walk. Yeah…a long walk, where people won’t see beautiful me, they’ll see beautiful me all covered up and looking like an elf.
Also, it’s supposed to be -5ºF that morning. That’s cold, even for a fluffy pup like me. I have no idea what mom is going to do without a beautiful fur coat like mine.
She says it’s for a good cause, though. Something about ARFritis. If you can please donate, it might almost make it worth it to go out in public, especially in the cold, and both mom and I would be very happy. (Although, let’s face it. I’m a dog, so I’m pretty much happy all the time.) It certainly would make it worthwhile to look so silly and undignified.
You can help by donating here.
Thank you!
October sucks October 13, 2013
Posted by mareserinitatis in engineering, family, older son, personal, teaching, work.Tags: college, family, family/work balance, NSF, older son, sports, stress, work
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I really am starting to dread October. Being in the midst of it, I understand why.
October is when *everything* happens. There’s no way to handle it but to keep going until the sheer exhaustion kicks in. For me personally, I have NSF proposals due. I am deep in the throes of teaching and grading. I have reports due and conference papers to prepare. My kids have all their various sports and other activities in full swing, meaning that we have activities going on 3 or 4 nights per week.
This year is definitely worse than last year because I’m still recovering from my medical fiasco last month, complete with lots of fun follow-up tests, and still am not able to engage in complete stress relief on a regular basis (i.e. running). Further, the older son is going through the college application process, which is generally more time consuming than either of us really likes at this point. I am hoping that these factors won’t be present in Octobers to come.
Half-way there, though. Just a couple more weeks, and things will ease off. One of the sports that both boys are in will be done until spring, NSF proposals will be over, most of the major grading I have will be done…and there will be leftover Halloween candy. As long as someone saves me a peanut butter cup, I’ll be fine.
Quakers like oats, not oaths August 22, 2013
Posted by mareserinitatis in personal, religion, younger son.Tags: oaths, quaker, religion, younger son
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Last spring, younger son came to me and said he wasn’t comfortable saying the Pledge of Allegiance. His reasoning was that one of the ten commandments says one should not pray to false idols, and he very much felt that saying the pledge was the equivalent of praying to a false idol.
I thought this was a very interesting perspective, and I admired his desire to be consistent. It also felt like one of those ‘teachable moments,’ so it led into a whole discussion on the Quaker view that one should not take oaths. Not only does it have a basis in the new testament, but many quakers feel like it creates a double standard for truth. There’s also the issue that you’re making a promise to adhere to something whether or not it contradicts your conscience or beliefs. (I previously discussed oath taking in this post.)
After our discussion, I sent an email to his teacher and principal discussing his decision and how this is part of our beliefs as Quakers. They said they understood, and there would be no problems.
I was glad to hear this. The younger son actually attends a religiously affiliated school. I have no problems with the beliefs of this religion, but I have found that there seem to be some differences in implementation of those beliefs.
I wasn’t sure how the younger son would handle things in a new class this year. I asked him if he said the pledge, and he said yes…and then realized he’d forgotten about what he said last year. So he immediately said he wasn’t going to say it any more. But then he said that he also had to say a pledge to the christian flag and an oath to the bible. But that was okay, because it’s really an oath to God.
That really disturbed me. First of all, I have no idea what the Christian flag even is. Who decided the Christians needed a flag? (Mike informed me that the Methodists did about 100 years ago.)
Yep…there really is a Christian flag.
Second, many Quakers don’t hold to the notion of the Bible as the literal word of God. I asked the younger son if he would make an oath to the bible if it said that slavery was okay. He said no, and I said that the Bible does in fact say that slavery is okay. We talked about how making oaths in general is a bad idea because people can put bad ideas into good things, and by making an oath or a pledge to something, you may unknowingly be agreeing to a bad thing. The Bible is a good book because, read with an understanding of the social context, it can help us to become better people. The point was also made that the men who wrote it were not bad people, but they had a lot of different beliefs back then that were incorporated into the Bible whether or not we think those ideas are okay today or were actually divinely inspired.
I think that was really rough for him. He’s still at the stage where he likes to see things in terms of black and white, good or bad. I just took something he’s been taught is all good and sacred and told him that there is evil in it. I could tell he felt bad learning that, and I felt bad for shattering that particular world view. But I also want him to understand that his conscience is the most important moral compass that exists for him, and he needs to learn to trust that instead of blindly following what other people tell him.
I am worried we’ll be hearing from his new teacher. I’m also having trouble dealing with cognitive dissonance because my son was asked to make an oath to something that says not to take oaths.
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Married to my work April 13, 2014
Posted by mareserinitatis in career, engineering, family, personal, societal commentary.Tags: marriage, Mike, professionalism, spouse
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In the past two weeks, I have been introduced as Mike’s spouse twice in professional settings.
I usually view this as something akin to the Kiss of Death: the person receiving this news is likely to consider me an appendage to my spouse and therefore rather useless. It’s not that I mind people know I am married to Mike. He’s very competent and he’s a nice person, so I’m certainly not ashamed of it. It’s often the reaction I get that bothers me. We have both noticed that some people will make a point of talking to him and ignoring me entirely, even when the project is mine and has nothing to do with him. (Of course, people do this even when they don’t know we’re married…)
In the first case, I found this rather interesting because it had a couple oddities relative to other introductions of this nature. First, the person I was being introduced to had no idea who Mike was, and in fact, never did meet him. I’m not sure why my marital arrangement was the first thing that came up, but I just sort of sigh and roll with it. Second, I think one of the people we were with was more annoyed about the way I was introduced than I was. While I just sort of shrugged and carried on as though nothing happened, shaking hands with the visitor, one of the other people who knew me repeated my name to the person two or three times. As much as I’m resigned to this sort of thing, apparently other people are not, and my inner voice yelled, “Huzzah!”
The second situation was very unnerving. Mike and I coauthored a paper which was accepted at a fairly selective conference. The introduction to our presentation explained that we were a husband and wife team, and I inwardly cringed. I was expecting the fallout to be very awkward for me. What was odd is that, for the most part, this didn’t seem to make a difference to anyone. Or maybe they already knew so it didn’t matter. Mike has had a paper accepted there before, and I was invited to give a presentation last year, so we’re not complete strangers to this group of people. With perhaps one exception, there wasn’t any noticeable difference in the way anyone treated him versus me.
While the “being married to my coworker” thing has it’s problems, it seems like some people aren’t letting it be as big an issue as it used to be. It’s kind of nice to be considered a colleague and not an appendage.
It’ll make my day when people regularly introduce him as my spouse, though. (It has happened once or twice, but not nearly as often as the reverse.)